How To Handle: Your Own South Park Character
by Blue-Green-Clouds
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the owner of your very own South Park character. Please Follow this guide on how to take care of your little guy, and avoid bad scenarios, which include but are not limited to, Severe injury, Explosion, Implosion... Have Fun!
1. Kyle

**How to Handle: Your Own South Park Character**

**I. Kyle**

Congratulations! You have just received your Very Own Kyle Broflovski!

Our little Weird-looking-green-hat wearing Jew-boy Comes with:

(1) Cartman voodoo doll

(1) Picture of Stan

(1) Shirt with a 'Mr. Hankey' Logo

(1) Hair Straightener

**A. Food  
**

Gefilte Fish. Lots of it. Don't forget to give him some bagels when he gets tired of that bland sh- I mean, delicious cuisine.

**B. DO NOT**

**These are some tips to make sure your Kyle (and you) is always alive and kicking!**

.NEVER Interrupt Kyle when he's stabbing his Cartman Voodoo doll. (You will also need to replace it after it gets badly torn up. Warning: he may eventually take out anger on you or others if you fail to do so.)

.Hug him very tightly while screaming, "Kyle-Kun!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE, I LOVE YOU! MARRY ME PLEASE, PLEASE! NYA!" This is bound to get a bad reaction.

.Take away his hat and hide it, while you call over a few friends to laugh at his hair. (May result in fatality.)

.Let him stay in the same room with Cartman for more than 2 hours, with nothing to preoccupy them. (May also result in fatality(s).)

**C. Notes**

Make sure, when you leave the house, that if you have purchased Cartman, that Stan will be there to break up any fighting. (Also, buy Kyle and Stan together and you get HALF-OFF! For a limited time only!)

If his right arm suddenly starts to deflate, while the left one starts inflating, get him to our Company's Hospital QUICKLY. This is most likely a cause of not replacing his Cartman Doll, with all his anger building up inside... literally. If he explodes/implodes, it is on your account, and there will be no refund.

**And, ta-da! You're now ready to take care of your Kyle.**

**Next up: Tweek!  
**

_A/N: This is a co-authored fic I wrote with my friend Nikki-Fox! (Nikki: Hi!!)_

_Kinda random, but meh. =P_

_I got the idea from a fic I saw in the Harry Potter fanfiction archive thing (And we do have permission to use the idea) and I thought it would be fun. Original idea is by _Possesed-Gummy-Bear-Inferno. (Awesome name btw. xD) _Review!!_

_Oh, and this: XD_

**Reminder: the company is not responsible for any injuries, mentally and physically, deaths, or any other fatal event that may happen with your South Park character. We will not accept returns or refunds.**


	2. Tweek

**How to Handle: Your Own South Park Character**

**II. Tweek**

Congratulations! You have just received your very own _Tweek Tweak_! Our little GAH, TOO MUCH PRESSURE!! Comes Complete with:

(3) Sets of clothes

(2) Nightlights

(42) Packages of Coffee

(10) Bags of Candy

(1) Audio clip of Willy Wonka saying '_Good morning Starshine, The Earth says Hello!_'

**A. Food**

Coffee, just coffee. Tweek will never eat vegetables, because they are _evil_. According to him anyway. Also, when you want him to be totally off-the-wall (because who doesn't find that fun?!), force-feed him 15 pieces of candy after he's had his coffee(…No, not _that_ coffee, his _afternoon_ coffee!) and watch as he bounces around like a Super ball!

**B. DO NOT**

_Tips to Help keep your Tweek at a healthy level of insanity!_

.Keep him from drinking coffee for more than a few hours. (Chance of implosion increases each minute!)

.Turn off his nightlights. (May cause him to bite, maim, or drink, anything he thinks is an 'Underpants Gnome'. NO RETURNS OR REFUNDS!!!)

.NEVER Tell him his hair looks weird. He is PROUD of his tangley mess, so don't try and brush it.

.Tell him that Craig is dead to torment him. This is the WORST thing you can do! (This will most likely cause him to explode 5 seconds after telling him so.)

**C. Notes**

.If he growls at you or bites you, no need to worry, It's his normal behavior. Just spray him with water or something.

.It's best to keep him on a leash in public.

.If he starts talking in gibberish and is foaming at the mouth, Lock him in a small room in a straitjacket, with a picture of Craig pinned on the wall. Place a radio in the room, and turn up the volume as far as it goes. Put the audio clip of Willy Wonka on repeat, Wait three days, and he should be cured!

**And, ta-da! You're all set to take care of your Tweek. **

**Coming up next… Kenny!**

**Reminder: the company is not responsible for any injuries, mentally and physically, deaths, or any other fatal event that may happen with your South Park character. We will not accept returns or refunds.**

_A/N:I know we had said we were doing Stan next, but we changed it. Mainly because we wanted to do a more easy character, hehe... but Stan is comin' soon, promise! ^^ We're gonna just go in a random order, hehe.  
_

_I liked this one the best, so far! XD You'll get the Willy Wonka joke… if you watched the one with Johnny Depp in it. xD_

_Tweek was easy to do… Now KENNEH! Hahaha!_

-Review!- (Hope you liked it! xD)


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